


Feel again

by Gaia_bing



Series: Again [1]
Category: Spartacus Series (TV), Spartacus: Vengeance, Spartacus: War of the Damned
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, M/M, So much angst, a lot of time passes in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-24
Updated: 2014-02-24
Packaged: 2018-01-13 15:23:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1231486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaia_bing/pseuds/Gaia_bing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Nasir walks out of Agron's life, the latter pretty much breaks down and he think he's never going to be happy again. But, time does its thing and he, like a lot of other people do, slowly gets back up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feel again

**Author's Note:**

> Angsty fic is angsty, sorry for that. I just felt a bit down yesterday and somehow, it turned into this. Hope you like. :)

A shake of the head, retreating steps, a loud banging door. These are the last sights and sounds that he remembers seeing before his heart fell on the floor, already cracked before dropping, and was now laying in innumerable small pieces, all scattered around him and if he searches enough, he'll find that his soul is also gone, leaving along with the other man that was here just a minute...or was it an hour ago? He didn't know and quite frankly, he didn't care. Because right now he felt empty, he felt nothing, absolutely nothing. His heart in pieces and his soul gone somewhere, he was now an empty shell, incapable of thinking nor feeling, because the love of his life had just walked away from him, probably never to return. 

****************

But soon enough, he finds that his heart is still beating inside his body and that he's not an empty shell like he thought he'd become, because after the numbness of the first few days has worn out, the sadness floods his very being and he cries, dear lord does he cries. Because now that the haziness's gone away, he remembers now, remembers every details that happened that night. He remembers that he, Agron, broke up with his boyfriend of two years, Nasir.

And it hurts, dear lord does it hurt. He just wants to reach inside his chest, pull out that stupid beating organ and stomp all over it, just so that it doesn't hurt as much, even for just a little while. And while he's at it, how about his goddamn brain too? For letting the best thing that ever happened to him go, without a fight, without a word. And he blames himself, dear lord does he blames himself.

And with the blaming comes the anger. He trashes his room, kicks things, talks wrongly to the people that try to help him however they can, but they can't help him, nobody can. Because nobody's broken up with anyone before he did, so they can't understand what he's going through. He let him go, he let Nasir go and oh god...

And this is how he ends up, his posters, books and blankets ripped to shreds and everything so messy and with him just lying there, in his little brother's consoling arms, just he had done so when they were little. But now the roles are reversed: he's the one that needs comfort, he's the one that needs healing and not the other way around. 

And to think that he thought that he didn't have a single tear left in his entire body...

************

But, just like everything else, time does its thing and little by little, like some miracle, he begins to get better. And with tiny little baby steps, he begins to feel other things than the sadness and the self-hatred that had closed him away from everybody else and outside of his dorm room for weeks now. And when he does come out of his room at last, it's to ask if he could eat the left-over pizza that Spartacus had left over the other night, because for the first time in a long, long time, he was actually feeling hungry.

And when Mira looks at his disheveled state and comments that he should probably eat more than one slice, since he looks so skins and bones, he looks at her and does something he thought he'd never be able to do again:

He smiles.

***************

As months go by, he begins to step outside to the real world once again and while at first, their hangouts, their songs and everything that reminded him of them still stung heavily and he was always afraid that the fresh scar over his heart would open up and bleed once again, he realizes that the more time passes by and the more seasons change, it hurts little bit less by little bit less. And to continue the healing and to make his life go on the way that it should, he makes the ultimate sacrifice: he doesn't listen to their songs anymore, he doesn't go to their hangouts anymore. He forgets about his love, he forgets about Nasir.

*************

And soon, months turn into years and he now finds himself into the big city, his law diploma fresh in his hands and he tries to become someone, just like his family and his friends (and his former boyfriend) wanted him to be. 

He even tries dating every once in a while, but nothing really lasts. They are all either too tall or too fat, they don't have the dark-colored eyes that he'd loved once upon a time or their hair are just too short for him to run his hands through, just like he could do so a few years back. 

And sometimes, when it's really late and a breeze of loneliness freezes his heart, he thinks about him, thinks about them, how happy they were and how everything went wrong. 

With years to really think about it, he realizes that all of this had been his fault, it was because of his insecurity, his jealousy. Over the attention another was giving his love. He should have trusted him, like Nasir trusted him and should have believed his claims that nothing was going on between the two of them. And it all had culminated one night when, after the other man had returned to their dorm later than scheduled, Agron had become unglued and had shouted at Nasir, throwing cheating accusations left and right with nothing concrete to back anything that he was saying. 

And all that Nasir did while he was yelling was stand there, tears in his eyes, until when he was given a chance to speak, he simply said that he'd enough of Agron's paranoid mind and was tired, just tired of everything. And that if he couldn't trust him enough to know that he could never hurt their love like he thought he had done, then maybe they just weren't meant to be. And just like that, with one final look and one final shaking of the head, Nasir had walked out of Agron's life, never to step back into it again. 

Downing his glass of gin, Agron shook his head as the bitter alcohol ran down his throat and sighed. They had never spoken and even less seen one another after that fateful night and from time to time, he had thought of calling his former boyfriend, to apologize, to tell him how sorry he was that everything had gone wrong between them, or just to say: "How are you doing?" 

But, every time he came close to call, going as far as gripping his phone in his hands, reality would hit him like a freight train and he'd throw the cell back onto his couch, knowing that even the deepest apology wouldn't repair the damage that he'd caused. And even if he did call, he would probably be received with coldness and a clear sign that the other man had moved on. And he probably had rightfully done so. 

He was probably married by now, maybe even with kids and as happy as he could ever be. Probably more happy than he'd ever been with him. Because, as Agron put down the gin glass back on his kitchen table, he thought:

_"Who could ever be happy with a stupid shmuck like me?"_

****************

Five years since leaving his hometown to make it big in the city, he finds himself back there, in the house that his father left him and his brother when he passed away and taking over the family law firm. And to Agron's surprise, all of this just fits him perfectly. He'd always felt lost inside the tall buildings and in front of the important people. Here, he could really make a difference, unlike there where he would have to uselessly compete with other big shots, accomplishing absolutely nothing in the end.

And then one afternoon, seven years since the last time they'd seen one another, Agron meets Nasir again, in the middle of the meat aisle of the supermarket. He looks quite good, for a man in his early thirties, his hair now waist-length, but his eyes still as shining as ever. The other man is stunned to find him there, thinking that he'd left a long time ago to make a difference somewhere else, but when Agron tells him his story, the smaller man (who was 100% single, thank the lord) smiled the smile that he'd not seen in many, many years and for the first time in a long time, he feels something that he'd thought he'd never feel again:

His heart skipping a beat. 

****************

An asked number turns into a coffee date and then a dinner date and soon they find one another in each other's arms, just like they used to be all that long ago, in the small apartment that Nasir's teaching job can afford him to rent, swaying together to the oldest dance that exists, their hearts and hands and lips full of one another. They talk and talk and talk, about everything and nothing, all throughout the next day and all throughout the next night. They make promises that they know they might not keep, but they also make ones that they know they always will. 

And just like that, it was like that fateful night never happened, that years never separated the both of them and Agron, together with Nasir in the way that it should have always been, can finally think:

_"Someone can be happy with a stupid schmuck like me."_

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you guys think? Please leave me a kudos or a review and tell me what you thought. Thank you. :)


End file.
